When Your Ex is Spinning False Narratives: How to Stay Grounded as a Parent

As a divorce coach, I’ve worked with many individuals navigating high-conflict co-parenting dynamics. One of the most painful and destabilizing experiences is when an ex-partner creates false narratives, either in writing, through the courts, or worse, through your child.

These stories are rarely about the truth. They’re about control, confusion, or projection. But even knowing that doesn’t make it easier when you find yourself parenting under the weight of fear, fear that your child will believe things that aren’t true, or worse, that a judge might. You begin to second-guess yourself. You overthink how you speak, discipline, or even how much fun you’re allowed to have with your child because every move feels like it might be twisted and used against you.

It’s a heavy load and one that no parent should have to carry alone.

I want you to know that you can parent from truth, not fear. And you can create a grounded, emotionally safe space for your child, even when chaos swirls outside your home.

Shift the Focus Back to the Parent-Child Relationship

When your ex creates confusion or misinformation, your relationship with your child becomes your greatest anchor. That relationship is built on consistency, trust, and emotional safety, not the stories someone else tells.

Here are some concrete ways to reinforce that bond:

Establish a Consistent Check-In Time

Create a predictable time each day, bedtime, dinner, the ride to school, when your child knows they have your full attention. Use this time not to ask questions about your ex’s household, but to stay emotionally attuned: “What was the best part of your day?” or “Is anything feeling hard this week?”

This gives your child a rhythm of connection and reassurance, regardless of what’s being said elsewhere.

Explain Rules in Your Home at an Age-Appropriate Level

Children adjust best when they know what to expect. Be clear and calm about the expectations in your home without comparing or criticizing the other parent:

“In our house, we do screens after homework,” or “We speak to each other kindly here, even when we’re upset.”

Clarity builds safety. You don’t need to defend or explain yourself beyond that.

Don’t Ask Your Child to Relay Messages

Using your child as a go-between can be tempting, especially if direct communication with your ex feels combative. But even subtle information-gathering (“Did your dad say anything about this weekend?”) puts your child in the middle.

They feel it, and over time it creates pressure, guilt, and confusion about loyalty. Let your home be where they don’t have to navigate alliances.

Communication Without Strategy: Why It Matters

When you’re being falsely accused, it’s natural to want to over-explain or prove your side. However, overly strategic communication often backfires with your co-parent and child.

Instead:

• Be factual, not emotional, in co-parent communication. Use apps like Our Family Wizard or TalkingParents to timestamp your messages and record exchanges.

• Keep your tone neutral and brief. You’re not obligated to correct every falsehood. You’re not responsible for convincing them of your truth.

• Let documentation speak for you. Notes about drop-offs, appointments, or incidents can go in a parenting journal or saved email. If the time comes, you’ll have a calm, consistent record of events.

Parallel Parenting: A Boundary-Based Approach

If co-parenting feels impossible due to conflict, consider transitioning to parallel parenting. This approach limits communication to only what’s necessary and allows each parent to operate independently in their own home.

What this can look like:

• Separate calendars and decision-making within legal agreements

• Communication only in writing and only about logistics

• Zero discussion about the other household with the child

It’s not ideal, but it is protective and can be a powerful tool for reducing conflict and restoring peace.

Helping Children Navigate Both Households

Kids are incredibly adaptive, but they also notice more than we give them credit for. Emotional congruence is the best gift you can offer; your home aligns with what you say and how you act.

• Keep transitions smooth: A quick hug, a smile, and reassurance go a long way.

• Name what they might feel: “It’s okay if the rules are different at each house. You’re doing great, figuring it all out.”

• Validate, don’t interrogate: If they say something that concerns you, get curious without reacting. “That sounds tough. Thanks for telling me.”

You didn’t choose to be the target of false narratives, but you can choose how you respond. You can create a home where truth doesn’t have to shout because it’s lived and felt, where your child is free from triangulation, where your parenting comes from wisdom, not war.

That is how you protect what matters most.

If this resonates and you’re navigating a high-conflict divorce or co-parenting dynamic, you don’t have to figure it out alone. There are tools, strategies, and support systems designed to help you reclaim peace, both for yourself and your children.